13 On 13

I was joined by Alec Budd via Zoom from his home in Berlin, Germany to talk about moving to a new country, the intricacies of techno music, and if we’re too old for Tiktok.

Alec Budd: I was pleased when you wrote me. I guess it’s worth doing this project even if we don’t have an actual reunion. It seems like if you had the inspiration to write me then it’s worth it.

Frankie Becerra: Thank you. So are you good just rolling on into some of these questions I have ready for ya?

AB: Yeah but I guess I have questions for you. But we can do the interview first.

FB: That’s fine, if you want to hit me with a question at any point feel free

AB: Ok

FB: This is the first one of these I’ve done so I’m still trying to feel it out and see how it goes from here, but the first question I wanted to start off with is what’s one way that you feel like you’ve changed since high school?

AB: Well let’s see, how have I changed since high school? Wow, so many ways… That’s a pretty loaded question. The small things that have changed is I’ve moved countries obviously.

FB: I like that that’s a “small thing”.

AB: (Laughs) Well it doesn’t say much about me does it? It’s just a thing, it’s a place, it doesn’t say anything about me. My English is getting worse, my German isn’t getting better… So I went to university, I studied economics, and I kinda hit a wall. I didn’t know what I was gonna do, and I came home and was in Brewster for a while looking for jobs. I thought about going to New York (City), and I ended up learning to code online and coming here (Germany). Now I do consulting for a web company. Basically, all these German employers and companies have projects where they want to move from their servers and their old tech to new kinds of cloud-based stuff and that’s what I do. And the way that that’s changed for me is I realized what do I want to do with my life I guess.

FB: Yeah I feel that

AB: But this is not a very good answer to the question.

FB: That’s alright, I don’t want good I want honest, as cliche as that might sound.

AB: Yeah… Well, I’m always changing I think for me I’ve had also some pains. I used to be big into fitness and now I’ve been out of the gym for like five years and I’ve had some pains and it’s kind of led me down this path of introspection because a lot of pain has to do with mental factors and things that I guess western medicine wouldn’t recognize. So I kind of found myself acknowledging things that I otherwise might have pushed away. For one I’m really sensitive, and that’s something I never could have said ten years ago.

FB: That’s awesome, I think even being able to realize that is big.

AB: Huge. Just being able to say that out loud and feeling comfortable with it. Or just feeling comfortable with the fact that you’re not 100% of the way there, that you’re still on a journey, that you’re always changing.

FB: Absolutely

AB: So it’s hard to say because I feel like when I was in high school I didn’t really have any thoughts about the future you know? And now I have kind of a vision of what I’m gonna do, where I might go, what makes me happy, what doesn’t make me happy… The shortest answer would just be I’m ten years deeper into knowing myself, and that’s a lifelong journey.

FB: I completely agree with all of that. I do definitely think that we are just kind of, as you’re saying, on this journey to kind of figure out what our next steps are and learn more about us and what we’re doing from there.

AB: Also the world, right? Cuz we’re going through all sorts of crazy world events, and the covid stuff kind of triggered cultural introspection on some level. Before that, I had to go to the office every day even in Germany, and nowadays I work from home, you know, it’s very chill it’s a totally different world than it was.

FB: Yeah for sure. Now you’ve mentioned Germany, so that might be a lead-in to this next question, what’s something you’ve accomplished in the last ten years that you’re proud of? Obviously, moving countries is huge, but if there’s something other than that, I don’t want to limit you.

AB: I don’t really see that as an accomplishment so much as something that happened. I guess an accomplishment is finding a lifelong skill that’s interesting, that’s fun, which for me is coding. The reason that it’s fun kind of stemmed from the electronic music stuff cuz I was programming sounds and I thought obviously I’d like to do something on the computer. It feels like every job I’m getting offered involves sitting at a computer, maybe I should learn about the computer itself. And then somehow through some books, I found Javascript and the whole web development world which I didn’t realize anyone can kind of step into. My little brother did computer science since high school, and he’s literally doing the same thing as me now for twice as much money. But he also works for some defense, something that requires him to get government clearance so he can’t really tell me the specifics. A lot of protocols and strict rules about what he needs to do like leaving his phone outside the office. If he wants to go to Germany he has to do like an interview with the government to make sure he doesn’t divulge their secrets. Stuff like that but at the end of the day when I talk to him I know that we’re literally using the same exact technology, doing the same things, but we’re just from totally different angles.

FB: That’s crazy. Now I’m glad you brought up the music because I personally have always been a fan of the music you put out.

AB: Oh that’s great to hear man.

FB: And I’m not just saying this to blow smoke up your ass everything you’ve put out I’ve checked out to the point where like I still, every once in a while, listen to the rap albums you put out in high school.

AB: (laughs) Oh yeah?

FB: I don’t know if you still fuck with that at all but I genuinely like those albums.

AB: I appreciate you saying that. I think when I got to the University of Pittsburgh and I started showing my music around I felt like you know this is not me. I don’t have much more to say with this, and I always liked the gangster rap and 90’s styles and that’s not something I can really do. And I’m not into this alternative rap stuff so I kind of moved into the instrumentals. At some point when I came to Germany I went into one of these nightclubs here, and I thought “ok nightclubs, it’s gonna be like a bar but with a dance floor”. I walked into one of these nightclubs in Berlin and the first one I went to they didn’t even let me in. They were like “Who’s the DJ?” and I said “I don’t know” and they said (waves hand) “Not tonight”. That’s different. So I looked up the DJ for the next place, I ran over there, I waited in line, and this time I was a little nervous, but same thing they kinda looked me up and down, said “Ugh you don’t speak German. Who’s playing?” So I told them and they were like fine, go ahead. And I went in there and it was just like a very industrial, kinda concrete, very dark, lots of strobes, no cellphones. And honestly techno music I kind of thought it’s like radio backbeat stuff. You know very boring stuff. And I walked in there, and apparently it comes from Detroit and there’s a lot more to it. It involves political statements and it got overshadowed by hip-hop, and none of this stuff I knew. But I walked in there and I saw this guy from Detroit, his name was Robert Hood, who apparently is one of the originators. So that whole experience kind of moved me and that’s the reason I kind of went from hip-hop to electronic. But to sum things up I’ve kind of hit a wall where I’m just like man this doesn’t feel like the music I want to make, so I’m back to just practicing piano when I can.

FB: Nice, well that kind of also flows nicely into the next question, what’s something you hope to accomplish in the next ten years?

AB: I’d love to put out some real music. That’s what I want to accomplish. I started a little record label with my friend from Slovenia, Honest Work, and I kind of picture that being something but at the same time I don’t know. It’s hard to say, you know? Life goals kind of go in all directions as you know.

FB: Yeah I’m very aware.

AB: So you do comedy, right? So are you taking comedy further in Brooklyn?

FB: Well that is the reason I moved down here, but kind of like how you were saying, when I got down here I kind of just hit a wall where I was like “Wait a second, is this still making me happy?” Because I spent pretty much the entire second half of last year focused on moving down here. Getting a job, getting a place, getting roommates, making a plan. So that kind of became so much of my life at the time that the comedy aspect was just kind of on autopilot, but for me that autopilot was hosting open mics, going to open mics, getting on paid shows when I can, writing every single day. I was posting new videos on TikTok every single day.

AB: That’s a lot of work.

FB: Yeah I didn’t even realize how burnt out I was getting until I was in this apartment right here, and I sat down to try to write a video for TikTok like I had been daily for the last two years, and my body was just kinda like “You need to take a step back. You need to relax. You know you can do this, but do you still want to be doing this?” So that’s kind of something that I’ve been back and forth with for a little bit lately.

AB: Yeah absolutely. I started to do the same thing with Instagram trying to put out some electronic videos and like tag it the right way, connect with other people, but I realized quickly that’s not something I enjoy doing so I shied away from it much sooner.

FB: Social media has changed so much of everything we do, and more often than not I don’t like it. I wouldn’t still be on it probably if it wasn’t how people in my industry weren’t still getting entire careers. There were people who before covid were, like me, posting sketches on Instagram, and now they’re Emmy nominated. Things can really pop off in the blink of an eye.

AB: Yeah you could have one go viral.

FB: It’s one of those you gotta be in it to win it kind of things.

AB: Yeah, but man I liked your videos. I always chuckle when I see one.

FB: Thank you, man. I appreciate that.

AB: To be honest though TikTok really turned me off. I tried it and I was like this is the first time I really feel old.

FB: Yeah it’s weird. I was reluctant to get on it as well but it’s kind of untouchable as far as video content goes right now so it’s like I’m just putting stuff on there to see what works.

AB: I can confirm, I dated a Russian girl and when I met her friends they were like “Oh do you have TikTok?” And that’s the other side of the world, like what we think of as our polar opposite.

FB: Yeah it’s crazy. So what, if anything, do you miss about high school? And it’s ok if the answer is “nothing”.

AB: No I definitely miss some stuff. I miss the morning commute, just you know, suburbia. Come into the green high school. I miss just walking the hallways, having that like everyday group of people that you see again and again. Cuz I definitely don’t have that in the same way, and I think it’s unique. I mean some people manage to bring that with them or they have their big groups of friends, but it’s never like it was in high school where it’s like well maybe not everyone is my friend but we’re here every day, I know these people or I’m friendly with them or I might not be friendly with them. But when I think back there was no one in our high school that I really thought “Oh I hate these people”. It always kind of felt like you were seeing the town on some level.

FB: There was that sense of community.

AB: Yeah right the sense of community. That’s hard to come by actually in the real world.

FB: I definitely agree with that.

AB: That’s a big thing actually. That’s maybe one of the biggest things people look back to and say “Oh I miss that”.

FB: I completely agree because like you were saying we don’t really have that especially post-covid where fewer people are going into offices and office culture in general is kind of being dissected and picked apart in a lot of ways.

AB: Yeah big time.

FB: With that in mind, do you think that you left high school prepared for the next phase of your life?

AB: (Laughs) Absolutely not.

FB: Yeah I don’t think I’m gonna have too many people saying “yes” on that one.

AB: Man the education system is so… I don’t know how it was for you but my dad pretty much said “You should go to university, figure out which one you want to go to, and go there”. It wasn’t like “Take a year off, do this, do that.” This was kind of the way at that time, right?

FB: I remember (senior year) not really wanting to go to college, and I did it because my parents told me I should and my teachers told me I should and everyone I knew was going.

AB: Yeah exactly.

FB: I knew in high school that I wanted to do standup, I had already been writing for years at that point, and I remember having a pretty intense conversation with my parents being like “Well what if instead of going straight to college, what if I just started went out and started doing standup and see how that went for a while? You know, Eddie Murphy got on Saturday Night Live when he was only 19” and I remember my dad looking me in the eye and being like “You’re not Eddie Murphy” and I was like ok we’re facing some realities today.

AB: I can tell you a similar story about my dad. He wanted to be a piano player. My grandma was a church organist. She had friends at Julliard, and he went and played for one of her friends. He was dedicated, he’d practice, he never did drugs, not into partying, studious guy, I think he was valedictorian in his high school, and he wanted to be a pianist. He went and played for this guy and the guy looked at him and said the same thing “You’re not Eddie Murphy”, you know? There are so many people competing to be making money as a pianist that you’re better off pursuing something else. It becomes very, very competitive and very difficult, and to be honest that’s a reason I don’t pursue music. Because I don’t see the industry working for me. I mean that’s also changed with social media, like what you’re doing with TikTok every day. In my mind that’s hustling, and that takes not only effort but perseverance because there’s gonna be so much negative feedback.

FB: Yeah there is.

AB: And that’s really tough, and like I told you before I’m very sensitive. It never seemed like a real option for me. Anyway, my dad turned around and became a lawyer. I turned around and just smoked a bunch of weed as usual, but I eventually fell into this path where I realized ok well how can I be creative? Another reason is I looked around and said what makes sense? Like what is useful? What kind of skill is useful to people? And it kind of dawned on me after reading a certain book called Thanks For Being Late, I think the guy who wrote it writes for the New York Times, I can’t remember his name. But he mentioned that this programmatic thinking would be useful so I was like well let me try my hand at it. Now I kind of feel like I’m at the forefront, so when this ChatGPT stuff came out I’m right there. Any company I work for has a different set of things that they need and it’s kind of up to the developers and the project people to decide how are we going to do that. And the way that we do it is with all these open-source technologies, so I kind of feel like I’m at an interesting place to watch what’s happening in tech and see how is this gonna change business and how can I adapt to it. At the end of the day, it’s just kind of keeping yourself engaged, and the reason that I work hard is I don’t want to let down any of the teams I’m on… I have it pretty good, but when I kind of look up and see how much disparity we have I hate it. I really get worked up about it. I try not to dig into it too much but.

FB: I’m the exact same way.

AB: Like somehow society is so focused on inflating the GDP, but at the end of the day we have to flip the script on that. Did you see the surgeon general is now starting a new campaign against loneliness?

FB: I didn’t see that.

AB: That was kind of interesting.

FB: That is interesting.

AB: But also people all around the world kind of look at The US and we all think lots of money, lots of business, but there are so many cultural holes that I was running away from. One thing like how much vacation my dad got was disgusting. It was like a couple weeks a year and this guy works his ass off every day and gets calls at night. Here at my first job, I started with 30 days vacation. If I tell someone I’m going on vacation they immediately stop talking to me. They say “Go enjoy your vacation!” It’s a bit of a different focus and cultural dynamic here. There’s also less disparity, more investment in social programs, which I could talk about forever, and honestly the healthcare thing is not great but… bring me back on track Frankie.

FB: (Laughs) Ok, if you could change one thing about your time in high school knowing what you know now, what would you change if anything?

AB: Ooh (laughs) these are all so deep for me because I’ve never thought about them. What would I change? I guess I would’ve stopped trying to rush you know? There’s no need to risk going out, drinking underage, driving a car, trying to be part of all the events. Not that I did that, but that’s the kind of thing that kids are prone to doing you know? Being worried about being at this party and that party and I guess I wish that I could have had a more wholistic outlook instead of being so… I don’t know it’s very hard to have foresight when you’re in high school somehow. You have no experience, and you have no idea what the fuck all this curriculum is supposed to add up to.

FB: Especially because at that age that really is your whole world. Like you really don’t know anything else outside of that.

AB: And it was so hard to turn around and say “Well what do I actually want to study?” Because I picked economics eventually because I thought it sounded interesting and I thought that it kind of explores how the world works and at the end of the day you just learn that the world just happens to be working and there are so many things that can’t be explained like the way people treat each other. All this economics stuff is interesting in that it doesn’t give you a solid set of job skills other than going into research. So if I could go back, cuz now I really love math, and I hated math at that time, I wish that I could’ve found the value in math and science and dug deeper into that.

FB: So with that in mind, as a member of the class of 2013, do you have a piece of advice that you would give to this year’s seniors, the class of 2023 before they go on their own adventure?

AB: Think about what you like, what you really like, not what you think you want to do, and think about what goes into that. What are the components that make it up? For me it was music, and eventually, it was sound design and when it comes to sound design then all of a sudden math is very exciting. It’s full of possibilities. Every number is a new creative landscape to play with. So if I could’ve gone back and somehow seen that and recognized that and pushed into it in a different way, that would’ve probably opened a ton of different doors, you know?

FB: Yeah definitely. Now speaking of these current seniors, do you think that you would rather be a high schooler right now, or in the early 2010s when we were there?

AB: Hmm… I guess the 2010s because the whole covid thing sucked. I couldn’t imagine missing high school for that. I mean I’m sure it would’ve sounded great at the time, but if you look back that would be terrible as a kid. It would be a totally different experience. Maybe if covid hadn’t happened I would say now is always the best time because you’re kind of at the forefront of stuff, but I guess me personally that was my time and I don’t regret it or wish it was different. That question is kind of hard, there’s no “best time”, it’s just now.

FB: That makes sense. We’re wrapping up here so I’ll end with a fun one. One thing our high school never did was senior quotes. Do you have a quote that you really like that you would’ve used as a senior quote if we had them back then?

AB: Well the last thing that my grandpa said to my dad before he died was “Enjoy it all”. And I think that pretty much captures what I would say to anyone about anything. Because it’s like no matter what is happening in your life, what you’re doing, where you’re at, that’s your life and that’s what you get so enjoy it.

FB: I love that

AB: And that’s hard to do. That’s hard to remember, especially nowadays right?

FB: Damn, I really like that. Thank you.

AB: Cool

FB: Now do you have any questions for me? I know you said you might have some.

AB: Do you drink beer?

FB: Sometimes

AB: Well I think a beer is warranted at some point. Next time I’m in New York I’ll drop you a message

FB: Please do, I’d love that.

(This interview has been edited for length and clarity)